Hello, you have reached the ____________Police Service automated VoiceMail
system.

Pay close attention we've had to update the choices as new and unusual customer problems have present themselves.

Please select one of the following options:

To whine about us not doing anything to solve a problem you created for yourself, press 1

To postulate whether someone has to die before we'll do something about a problem, press 2

To report an officer for bad manners when in reality the officer is trying to keep your neighborhood safe, press 3.

If you would like us to raise your children, press 4.

If you would like us to take control of your life due to your alcoholic or chemical dependency, press 5.

If you would like us to instantly restore order to a situation that took years to deteriorate, press 6.

To provide a list of police officers you personally know so we will not take enforcement action against you, press 7.

To sue us, tell us you'll have our badge and you pay our salary, or proclaim our career is over, press 8.